what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
