Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
