Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
