I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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