even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
