Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
