nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
