Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
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she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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