Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
