We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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