Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
