okay pat passed out under dana's car
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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