i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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