I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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