the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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