she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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