Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
