When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
