Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
