its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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