So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
