this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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