You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
