We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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