i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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