RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
