Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
