literally had 100 drinks last night.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
3 2 1 whiskey
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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