I am puke
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
