I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
