smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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