Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
