So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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