she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize