at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
