Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
