true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
