Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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