I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
