ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
