So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
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I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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