i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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