Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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