he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
