people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I use my feet as sexual weapons
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
