I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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