Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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