Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
