so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
