shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
