Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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