So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
