when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
