Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
