I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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