My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
