no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
