wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
