I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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