apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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