I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
