I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
