Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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