You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
