You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
