am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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