I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
