What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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