I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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