All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
whose parrot is this?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
