i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Text me some of your sweat
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