"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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