How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
